Lolas Private Hotline (continues)

“well” i finaly said “you are so stunnig good looking, with long dark brown hair, which i like alot, girls with long hair turns me on alot, aswell as beautyful eyes, your eyes makes me smile”
“what can you tell me more” Lola said, her voice was so wonderful, sexy and sweet, i had to pick my cock out and start touching my self a bit while speaking to her.
“you have a beautiful face, your lips is magic, i wish i once in this life could kiss you, i have never kissed a girl ever, allways wanted you to be the first one, my fantasy”
“wow” Lola said with a stunning voice of surprise, “ you never kissed a girl Mike?”
“no, never don’t know what it feel’s like, it’s a shame i feel a shamed about it, but it’s the truth” i felt dumb fooled, for letting her know that, now she never gonna see me like a man, just as a boy who failed to be a man.
“aww sweety, Mike don’t feel like that, i am sure there are alot of girls out there who would die to be the first to kiss you” i had lost intresst in my cock, i felt just empty now, coz she must know now that i am virgin, her voice had changed abit, not sexy, more surprised voice, someone who was wondering and had alot of quesions instead of trying to seduce me.
I tried to speak again, but couldn’t get a word out, just some grunting, “Mike?” Lola said, “how are you?”
“f..fii..fine” i finaly got out after an uncomfortable silance.
“you sound sad Mike?”
“Well i have never had a girlfriend, thats why i am calling here, allways wanted to speak to a girl and be me, dirty or not, just get everything i have inside me out without feeling bad about it, let a girl know and see me for me, i never talked to a girl before like this, its diffrent, hard for me”
“Mike you still horny?” “not really” i said with a low voice, “try to see me again, touch your self, grab you cock i am gonna try help you feel good about your self, could you do that for me Mike?”
“I suppose” i reached down inside my boxers again, grabbed on to my cock, touching it a bit feeling it grow inside my hand, i was Obviously still horny, it felt good to feel it grow, got me even more horny than before, as i was to pick it out to start jerk off i heard someone coming, and let the cock go to pull my hand out of my boxers fast and at the same time said on the phone “Lola someone is coming i have to call you back later” and i hanged up, i heard she was about to say something but i didnt wait for it, i was to afraid to let someone find out what i was doing.
My family was home….

A few days went by and all i could think of was the next time i could call Lola, i soo wanted to speak to her, hear her voice talking to my ear, touching my inner self, my brain, my feelings, my nerves. Giving me the thrill her voice gave me. I was so horny, she made me horny, her long hair, her beutiful eyes, my dirty toughts I had, I often fantasied about her sucking my dick, her lovley lips around my long hard cock, giving me the ultimate pleasure, so i tought anyway, since i obvisouly never had had sex with a girl, it all was in my mind, my imagination. Spinning around my head.
I still lived with my mom and my sisters kid, and my 18 years old sister, even she have had sex by now, but i hadn’t, 30 years old and still a virgin, seemed pretty lame, childish, felt like a boy when girls came around.
My life was about pleasure my self while watching porn, i love watching porn, looking at the girls, fucking and riding the guy, sucking him dry. It was a way for me to express my feelings toward a girl, well even if she didn’t see me or heard me, i just wanted to feel something belive i could pleasure a girl even if it only was in my mind.

I had a hard time finding my own time when i could be alone, since the house almost allways was crowded, so i couldn’t call her, not even touch my self. At nights i could but i was often to tired to pleasure my self, so i got a bit frustrated about it sometimes.

(to be continued)

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Lola’s private hotline!

June 8th 2007,

Once i called a hotline, i remember it like yesterday. The voice that met me on the phone was adorable, soft like a summer breeze, slow and low like a whisper, it gave me chill, i loved it!
I was nervous, since i never done this before i didn’t really know what to say or do, “the phone rang, one, two signals went by before i connected, “Wellcome to Lola’s private hotline, i am here to pleasure only you, for now i’m all yours, please make a selection after the beep, love lola.”.
Press one for Live chat with Lola,
Press two for dirty and sexy sounds to pleasure your mind,
Press three for my ultimate collection of novell’s where i tell you my most inner secret toughts.
Press four for my lessons in how to pleasure your self as a man,
Press five for my lessons in how to pleasure your self as a woman,
Press six to hang up and hopefully you be back soon, kiss n’ love Lola.

I wanted soo bad to speak to a girl, since i was soo shy when i was out in the real world this might be a away for me to express my inner dirty toughts and pleasure my self at the same time? A way to get close to a girl, well talk to a real girl a real voice. I was nervous.
I pressed one, after a little while a voice met me, “hi young sexy one how may i pleasure you tonight?” i mumbled, “hi Lola” that was all i managed to get thru my mouth at the time, i could tell by the voice that she could hear it on my voice once i started speak that i was nervous, she said “don’t be nervous young one, maybe you would like to give me your name sweety?”
“Michael” i said, “or Mike” her soft voice was soo calm and sexy i imagine i could speak to her all night, my toughts started to spin away trying to make sense of what i was doing, she spoke “Hi Michael what a lovley name, would you like me to call you Michael or Mike?” my voice was still a bit shaky when i answerd her “Mike would do” she said “aww i loove Mike, sounds like a bad boy, are you a dirty bad boy Mike?” i didnt really know what to say, was i a bad boy? My fingers trembled on the phone as i tried to find the rights words” ye ..yes i guess i am Lola” “ i think soo to Mike, what is it that you fantasies about right now? what’s on your mind?” her voice was so wonderfull, i didn’t belive i was speaking to a girl, less Lola, i was thrilled about it but at the same time very shy and quit.
“me having you Lola” ooh shiit i tought, did i say that out loud?
“ aww sweety, cutie Mike, do you know what i look like? “ yes Lola i do”
“describe me” she commanded! It spooked me, i have never described a girl, and never one i liked so much as Lola, she got me horny everyday thinking about her, she was the ultimate rush, “don’t know if i can” i said with an unsure voice, “ ofcourse you can Mike, tell me what you see when you think about me, are you touching your cock while you fantasies about me?”
“yes i do always” gosh, i don’t know if i can do this i tought, my pulse was rushing right now and i felt dizzy, she was good at this and i was really bad, never talked about my self in this way. I went over to my bed to lay down “so tell me Mike what you see while you touching your cock?” “you” i said again.
“yes you told me, but what do i look like to you, what makes you come?”
“am i doing something to you? tell me Mike”

To be continued…

lost in translation…

…so things are back to normal, we got water in the house finaly!! feels good, our connection still sux, which now is like something normal, you can’t trust the provider…they came by to fix the connection and tv today and fucked it up even more, my sister lost her picture on tv, and the Inet doesnt work anywway… waiting for them to come back again in 2 weeks!! well Normal aswell…. Comhem SUX!!

I think i am lost in translation between a man and a woman… i just does’t seem to understand how to find a gf…even a female friend really… well i am good at getting the answer..used to be…”you are only my friend we won’t ever be more than that” well thats is what i usually get, or used to get when i still belived i had a chance with the ladies 😀

these days i only dream about them and the family i once wanted =)

time to sleep, got work tomorrow.. so my fellow ppl out there, good night where ever you are… and good morning Asia!! =)

This woman will be in my dreams tonight…so beautiful like a dream come true 🙂 “dreaming out laud”

love Asia love women

All pictures can be found here, just swap around.

Link

Hellish evning/night :(

…bad sleep, had to shut down all water(atm no water in house have to fix that, due to some things broke down i bathroom), my cat ran away, our car is damaged somehow, the engine…will probebly break down aswell soon, …

anyway here are 3 pics for today 🙂 always makes me smile…

Alll pictures can be found here, just swap around.

Link

Being Single!

Being single means different things to each of us. For some it is a way of life. For a small minority, it is the way we always will be. For most of us, its is a constant battle with optimism. Hope springs eternal they say. We weren’t designed to spend our lives alone. For the solitary monk it may be a life of dedication but for us mere mortals, its is a state of being that we hope is temporary.
Being single is not easy. It means first of all that we are daily responsible for every decision we make. We can’t share decision making because there is no one close enough to share things with. We trust our friends but we will not have formed as close a bond as we do in a long term personal relationship. Therefore it us up to us to decide what we do each day, whether we go to work, what we will have for dinner, where we will go at a weekend, what we do on vacation and where and how we socialize.
When we get home in an evening there isn’t anyone there (which is why so often we have cats and dogs) to welcome us. We prepare dinner alone (or don’t bother), run a bath, take a shower and generally live a solitary existence punctuated by our social life and friends as well as work routine. One of the primary issues about being single is not being able to discuss things on our mind when we want to. In social circles we can to an extent and we may call up friends on the phone but this lacks the deeper understanding and compassion we receive from a close partner in a relationship.
We like to play ideas off each other, discuss, talk, think aloud and have pillow talk about the future. All of this is missing when single. Occasional dates or romantic encounters may provide passing closeness but in effect we remain single still. There is something interesting on the TV, but we won’t chat about that until we are at work. We have an ailment that worries us, who do we discuss that with? There is an issue with a person at work, what should we do. Friends and family play their part but they don’t fill that singleness we are likely to feel.
Cooking for one is a painful experience. What is the point of cooking a nice meal if there is no one to share it with. There is a great movie but we will watch it alone. We need to go shopping and get something new for the apartment but we are going to have to do without the fun of deciding together. Then of course there is sex. Sex-for-one is well known to most singles but its generally not what we were designed for.
Close relationships offer companionship, understanding, empathy, friendship as well as love and romance and without them, we are pretty much left to our own devices to fill that void. When we are younger there is so much to focus on that it may not be such an issue but as we get older we begin to discover that visiting the wonders of the world alone is deeply dissatisfactory.
Being single is a heightened sense because our society emphasizes couples. From meals for two in the grocery store, to paying for single supplements in hotels; much is set against the single person. Why do we pay extra for a single bed when on vacation? The we have our friends who are in couples which does much to heighten our sense of singledom. Dinner parties mean we are excluded due to not having a partner, or we are matched up with some geek we have little in common with by friends desperate to pair us off.
Adult society in the West is made up of approximately 33% single people and this is increasing at a remarkable rate. Admittedly in many areas of the service industry, singles are being seen as a new market and opportunities to cash in on single life are steadily coming into the market place. But again it emphasis a state of play we may not wish to be reminded of. When we set off outdoors on a weekend we will encounter many many couples along the way and we find ourselves wondering what it is about them that got them together when we are total treasures that no one appears to discover?
Therefore being single means being optimistic. It means keeping positive in the face of adversity. That adversity manifests itself through the thought in the back of our heads that whispers ‘what if..’. What if we meet someone tomorrow, what if we spend out lives alone and never meet anyone again, what ever we never fall in love, what if no one actually likes us, what if we were meant to remain single. And it is this whispering that we fight to keep at bay daily by fighting to remain optimistic.
Optimism comes from the general knowledge that most of us will meet someone, we will find Mr. or Miss Right soon enough. But as we get older, we start to worry, even start to silently panic. If we are to meet our perfect match it has to happen before we are too old. We would like it to happen whilst we are still young enough. And as anyone in their 30’s appreciates, as we get older , so time speeds up. In our twenties, time seemed endless. But as the wrinkles in the corner of our eyes demonstrates, one day we wake up and we are older, much older. And we are still single.
Being single is to an extent a triumph,. It means we have avoided the disappointment of dating disasters, wrong choices, and loneliness within a terrible relationship. It means we still have our own choices and our own sense of direction. We have the full sense of self determination and control over destiny. But at the same time it wears us down. It may be hard to admit, but the vast majority of us don’t like being single. In fact we hate it.
We hate it because we don’t get to share. We don’t get to make happen the sharp image in our head of the perfect relationship we know is possible with the right partner. We have a never ending well of ‘giving’ that so far has been ignored. We want to give and we want to please. We wish to love and we want that opportunity. We are ready and willing but we are not allowed. Its almost like being in an isolation cell in prison. Being single heightens our sense of the need to give and it heightens the sense of frustration accordingly.
Being single isn’t a cornfield full of casual sex, boozy nights, general lack of responsibility and carefree existence over the age of 25. Its a burden that many of us carry. Through failed relationships we have built up a mental list of the things we will never accept again in a relationship and at the same time it provokes and overpowering explanation of what we really do hope for. Being single isn’t about choices, it is about circumstances. We know that had we been a certain place, had a certain life, then we probably wouldn’t be single. But where we find ourselves today means that we are. Well we are for the time being.
By dating we keep our hopes alive. We realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And whilst the most recent suitor may not have been the one for us, at least we are heading in the right direction. And that’s how many of us cope with being single. We do everything we can to keep our hopes alive. We convince ourselves that being single is by choice and that we are just waiting to meet the right one. And that’s true, that’s exactly what we are doing. But the ‘what if’ whispers away. Our body clocks may tick louder, our hair may thin, but we KNOW we will get there in the end. We hope.
Being single means living with a sense of frustration that little else can match. We don’t have the answers as to why we are alone. We even ask ‘why me?’ This isn’t how we have envisaged our lives, this isn’t how we saw our future. So why has it happened? What went wrong. Where did we go wrong? Where are all the nice guys and girls. Maybe they have all been snapped up. Maybe there simply aren’t any and we are fooling ourselves. Then we remind ourselves of the few examples of great friends in great relationships and this provides us with the temporary proof we need. And then we begin to question ourselves further. We may even question our own judgment, wondered if we have missed our best opportunity to be in a good relationship. Maybe we are simply too choosey? Maybe it really is all our fault. But of course it isn’t.
When vacations and national holidays and Christmas or Thanksgiving come along, then we are reminded heavily just what being single feels like. On Valentine’s day we are also reminded that we are yet again this year solitary creatures. However this year will be different. We feel it. We have our sights set one on or two potentials and who knows where things may lead. Who knows, by Christmas we could be engaged.
Married people often think the grass is greener on the other side. People in bad relationships dream of the freedom of being single. I have been told many times that I don’t know how lucky I am to be single. The next time someone says that to me, I will go over and stick my finger in their eye and remind myself indeed how lucky I am that I decided to do that..all by myself.

I hate being single and virgin!! 😦